Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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