yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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