Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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