yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
