She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
