so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
