My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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