Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
