would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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