we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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