I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize