I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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