Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
