Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize