you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
