apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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