This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize