i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
