When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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