im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
