I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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