thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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