Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No subtext here. People are naked.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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