Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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