I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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