I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
