was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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