i would punch a child for taco bell
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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