Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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