seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
