i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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