Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
