I just made out with a guy for $7.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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