Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize