Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why didn't you poke me back
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
