when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize