for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
