and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
