Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize