well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
