I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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