Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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