you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
