I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
