Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize