Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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