I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
