i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
