my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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