he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize