I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
