She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Come on in and take your pants off
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