whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
