Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
