Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
