Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
