Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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