I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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