I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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