you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
