i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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