I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
