I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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