would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
