can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and she was petting her beer can
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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