he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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