Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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