the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
