...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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