Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry about my life...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
