A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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