just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
