Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
