How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize