after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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