Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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