At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
