He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
