her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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