i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
