Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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