He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
