Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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