I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
