you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
