im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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