I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
