It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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