24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
