I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
