peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
