Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Houston, we have a squirter
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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