I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize