Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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