ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
